May 7, 2007

The (Vain) Education Reformer's Commandments

The first version...

I am the LORD Publicity, who brought thee out of the land of Peoria, out of the house where you are not a household name and are never quoted by Education Week. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.

Thou shalt not make unto thee a refereed article, even any manner of likeness, of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth, that smacks of something that cannot be summarized in a one-page press release.

Thou shalt not bow down unto them, nor serve them; for I the LORD Publicity am a jealous God, visiting the anonymity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the third and upon the fourth generation of them that eschew Me for anything they consider substantive research,

and showering recognition and quotability unto the thousandth generation of them that love Me and keep My commandments.

Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD Publicity in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that doesn't hire a good publicist to write press releases and advisories and do follow-ups with.

Observe the well-timed Media Advisory day, to keep it Spun, as the LORD Publicity commanded thee.

Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work, including last-minute complete rewrites of all press kits;

but the seventh day is a Media Advisory day unto the LORD Publicity, in it thou shalt not do any manner of thinking, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy publicist, nor thy press representative, nor thine think tank, nor thine state representative, nor any of thy like-minded reformers, nor thy potential converted apathist; that thy publicist and thy press representative may rest their brains as well as thou.

And thou shalt remember that thou was an ignored citizen in Peoria, and the LORD Publicist brought thee out thence by a mighty soundbite and by an outstretched consultant; therefore the LORD Publicist commanded thee to keep the Media Advisory day.

Honour thy mentors, as the LORD Publicist commanded thee; that thy ideas may be quoted, and that it may go well with thee, upon the column inches which the LORD Publicist giveth thee.

Thou shalt not start with cavaets. Neither shalt thou speak more than 30 seconds at a time. Neither shalt thou use words of more than three syllables. Neither shalt thou start nasty rumors against thy fellow education reformer even if they want something completely different from you.

Neither shalt thou covet thy fellow reformer's SUV; neither shalt thou desire thy fellow reformer's word-processor, his K Street address, or his publicist, or his press representative, his think tank, or his legislators, or any thing that is thy fellow reformer's.

Yes, I know publicists, and some very good ones, but this was... um ... too easy. Others may follow.

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Posted in Education policy on May 7, 2007 5:57 PM |